The blankets covering the windows block out the day time rays every where except for two pea sized holes burned in the fabric. These holes allow the sunlight to penetrate this small room and cast pin-hole camera projections on the wall where I can see upside-down trees outside. There is nothing deep about it. Nothing mysterious or spiritual there. It's just two beams of light that flare into my eyes when I shake the sleep from my head each morning. She calls about 9 AM and she is smiling. She doesn't sound so tired these days. I have her picture here with me in a frame but it's almost meaningless to me after all the new memories that came since the photo was taken.

I think back to a year ago. What a strange year it's been. I worked hard on personal projects to stay busy during the holidays. All of them were attempts to push her into the back of my head where she was simply intelligent and interesting, but not so gritty and real. Not so corporeal. This year she sits closer to the front where I incessantly think about and miss her. Over the holidays this year though, I am still trying to stay busy. I started a major project the day after I came home and I haven't stopped yet. It's nearing completion now, but it has been a bit of work and a great time spender. I've also put my nose in a book other times to keep me occupied before and after sleep. I've continued reading The Peoples History of the United States: 1492 - Present by Howard Zinn, but it's just making me more bitter.

This morning I read about the pre and post Jacksonian era in which the Creek, along with the other indigenous tribes, were moved further and further west through subjugation and treaties which were broken sometimes days after being signed. It was very interesting to read that a great many tribes from America took the side of Britain in the revolution, and even when Britain signed a peace treaty with the newly formed US government, the natives kept on opposing the murderous settlers. Early ideas by Jefferson show compassion for the natives, but by the time of his presidency in 1800, white's outnumbered natives about eight to one. Jefferson started by committing the federal government to promote removal of the Creek and Cherokee from Georgia and it only got worse from there.

Last night I read about the early roots of feminism in the new world, and the work these women did to promote anti-slavery and equal rights. After this mornings reading, an odd thing occurred to me. Very few people living in the US territories were allowed to vote at that time or speak their mind about the situation of the natives. It was of course a white male driven system. The odd thing was to consider the large effect women and their early forward thinking might have had in opposition to the mistreatment of the Native Americans. Unfortunately they had very little voice in the early 1800's when the "relocations" were taking place. The early feminist movements were just taking off in the 1830's and didn't grow stronger until the 1840's and 1850's. A lot better page of history might have been written if the time periods of these movements would have coincided more. The period of death and destruction for the natives built up to the "Trail of Tears" and the great Cherokee relocations in 1838, but by this time it would have been too little too late.