I ate dinner at a local restaurant with my parents tonight. After all this time I still feel ashamed to order a hamburger in a restaurant. Tonight I let the feeling win, but the steak sandwich didn't make me feel any closer to where I used to be. How easy it is to dwell on things. On the past. On the present. The weight of the world will rest on your shoulders if you let it, but the weight of a mistake always rests squarely on your heart. I've thought long and hard about mistakes these days. If you can't forgive yourself, why expect forgiveness from anyone else? I guess you can hope for the best. People aren't machines. Sometimes they surprise you. Sometimes you surprise yourself. With the hope comes fear. It's a cold lingering feeling. The feeling that you can't go home again.