My boss at work asked me one day why I was so nervous around people. I didn't tell him then, but I suspect that it is because I locked myself inside my mind, and lived there most of my childhood feeding off pure imagination. About the age of 15, I became enthralled in the massive and ever expanding internet. This month is the four year anniversary of a time when my life changed greatly. I had had the internet in my house for a bit on my parent's computer, but I only talked to my friends, and played games online with them. I spent more time editing graphics than chatting it up. However, I met someone online one day. It was a girl. She was who I consider to be the first real person I met online and after that, life just wasn't the same.

She was different than the rest. She was interesting. We talked and talked for hours. That was the beginning of my addiction to the internet. If I could spend every waking hour out there somewhere on the internet meeting people from around the world while talking and relating with them, then why would I need an outside world at all? So I transitioned from a life I spent playing with my legos and my imaginary spaceships, into the world of the internet, and I became quite cozy with it and all its aspects.

Three years passed, and then I started blogging. As most would believe, my blogging habit often supports my addiction and my need to reach others on the internet. At the same time though, I got a job. With this job, I work with people. Even after having worked 5 months, I still have trouble dealing with people in person. I have trouble with crowds, and loud noises when I'm with people. I don't look people in the eye when I speak. I pace when I talk and I often walk away mid sentence. Maybe my personality type makes me antisocial, or maybe withdrawing from people when I was young did it for me. I don't really know for sure.

People tell me I'm getting better, and some even say I'm 'branching' out. I don't know how much of that is true though. I am forced to endure a certain amount of social exposure because of college and work, but there still isn't a real great longing for a social life. I'd always rather be somewhere alone and quiet with just one or two people I know well, that to be in a crowded place with excitement. The zero level of excitement I practice surely drives people away from me, but I'm still looking for that one person I can share my life with regardless of my social habits.